i think my tv is drunk
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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