i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
