So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
