I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
