i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
