so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
