I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
