Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
