she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize