Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
