Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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