i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
