after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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