I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
