So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
