I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
