Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
