I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
