May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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