So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize