I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
