why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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