he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
