is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
