I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
