Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
