im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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