I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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