Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she pinky promised me she was 18
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
