ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
