If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
