I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
