At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
