I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
