I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
