Someone shit on the floor
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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