Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
