Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
