I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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