3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
