a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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