wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
