I think my vagina is haunted
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
