If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
