Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
