And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
