Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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