I am puke
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
