i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
