I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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