Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
