I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
