Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
