Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
