whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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