I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
