nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
