Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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