party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
