are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
