I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
