do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Blood and glitter go together right?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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