I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
