Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
