Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dicks are not precious.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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